Timberwolves 76, Bucks 88: Don’t worry—it was a video game.

See, because here’s the thing: I couldn’t find anything other than WCCO’s immaculate radio coverage to watch the Wolves in their final preseason tilt against the Milwaukee Bucks at Green Bay’s Resch Center. League Pass was blacked out, it wasn’t being shown on regular TV, and there weren’t any (ahem) places to watch it (cough) online. So I fired up the ol’ Xbox 360 and my copy of NBA 2K13 (starring Zach Harper), released Rubio and Love from the Wolves for this game and got my popcorn.

Before the ball was even tipped, Clark Kellogg tried to sell me on the importance of the preseason as a confidence builder. “Confidence leads to momentum,” he says. I’m actually pretty sure mass times velocity leads to momentum. Yeah science.

So here are some funny things that happened, and I will remind you I was watching and not playing this game.

Monta Ellis being Monta Ellis

“We must move forward, not backward. Upward, not forward. And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.” —Kang as Bill Clinton (or possibly Kodos)


Pretty sure this is goaltending by Shved (whom I had to make), but Zach assures me they’re simply playing by the new FIBA rules. No word on what rules of physics allowed his arm to pass through the rim.

Ellis’ meaty thighs get in the way

Brandon Jennings dribbles the ball right off Monta Ellis’ big manly inner thigh here, leading to a break away and layup finish for Roy. If you look closely at the end, you can see James Franco reaching in desperation for the ball.

Drew Gooden leads the league in casual rebounds

The angle’s not great, but it actually hit him in the face. The little nod at the end that says, “Ain’t no thang” is the best part.

And finally, an actual basketball play that looked fairly pretty and also representative

Roy sets up Jennings with the nice hesitation cross and then drives the lane, drawing an extra defender before he kicks it out. Regrettably, he’s kicking it out to Derrick Williams who was very Derrick Williams-ish in this game going 2-8. But Kirilenko (who did some serious dirt in the actual game tonight and finished with a line of 8 pts, 10 rebs, 6 stls, 4 asts and 1 block) is there and cleans it up.

But behold: I actually kind of maybe almost learned something watching this. With Love and Rubio both out, the CPU-controlled Wolves utterly failed to make use of Pekovic, who finished with only 4 points and 9 rebounds. Instead, they relied time and time again on Budinger shooting long and often contested twos and threes and more of the same from Lee and even Roy sometimes. When Roy drove to the hoop, he was better, but still, the Wolves were out of this one by the half and never climbed back. If they’re going to be successful without Love to start the season, they’re going to need to use Pek a lot more.

In good news, this matters as much as a preseason game.

Also, Steve Kerr would like you to know that the position Luc Richard Mbah a Moute plays is “winner.”

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0 thoughts on “Timberwolves 76, Bucks 88: Don’t worry—it was a video game.

  1. Do we really have to create Shved? Well it could be worse. In last season’s addition of NBA 2K, Rick Adelman had black hands for some reason

  2. Shved has so far not been added to the rosters. I hope at some point he is, I’ve got my custom Shved, who’s a 70. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem physically possible to make a player as skinny as him.

  3. Just for future reference, vipbox has games on that your other (ahem)s did not. I actually watched the game vs the Bucks. Hope this works for you. Thanks for doing all the write ups!

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